adult, beautiful woman, black-and-white

Suffering to live a life is not easy to deal with to every single person. From the effort to live right, you might be getting huge amount of stress and depressed moment which even drives you to hell.

I know what the feeling is like, because I regularly get into it whether I want to or not. Let’s say I am going to hell inside of my mind and head once or twice per 3 years. Being suffered by life is the main reason for me to go to the terrible place without my intention.

I bet that this is even worse to people who are specially independent and hate to rely on someone to get helped. Or people who are always motivated to improve their life or social status with overthinking.

Yes, I am one of them.


What I am going to say is that this kind of person usually tries to struggle to survive by themselves much more than relying person resisting other’s help as much as they could.

And guess what we have to endure for it.
A lot of mental energy and fighting with harsh reality by ourselves. Daily thinking of what we have done to others around them is additional. During the process, if we catch the moment in our memory that we think we bothered someone to help us, we make our mind to not do it again.


Moreover, in the meantime, we are always eager to developed by their own with no cheating way. I work hard not to waste life and follow what I want to get and what I should aim for it. For that, we sometimes spend mental and physical energy as well to try to be improved getting ourselves in tension.

Thinking about your better life at all time with independent mindset with no break is not as easy as you think. Meaning of the act is positive but the processes for its final achievement is terribly painful personally.

Person Grasping the Bed Sheet

Those are why those people including me can’t even loosen their tension even at night when we can be finally alone from people. We are usually nervous at all time and do not relieve themselves from thinking of living life. All because we resist to be reliable and easy-going.

I wish I could turn many radios off inside my head at least when I sleep on the bed. I want to forget all the stressful nerve and tension in night time. My mattress, bed sheet and blanket feel so good but that is all I can say. I can’t be soaked into it for sweet deep sleep. Right, I can’t even have a deep sleep even when I luckily mange to fall asleep. Because then I have to dream the whole night without a break. My brain does not know how to stay away from thinking and overthinking.

I do not believe in Jesus that much but please someone in the sky, help me stop tossing and turning the whole night until sun comes up. Tonight, a day after tonight and a day after the night will be coming for me to manage.

All I want is few time a day which is completely silent only for my own rest so I could put much effort on next days to work on better life.

Person Lying on Bed Holding Blanket

All image from pexel

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